How many people told you that being pregnant would make you this glowing amazing bump of joy? If you have experienced pregnancy in the ‘real world’ and not the ‘Instagram world’ then you know this is a bunch of bull.
There are so many gross things that happen while you are pregnant that no one failed to mention to me! Like WTF guys….
1. You can get the worst and most painful acne EVER!!!
Remember when you had acne as a teenager? Pregnancy acne is like teenage acne on steroids…All over your neck, your ears, your chin, your back, your chest, and in ‘other’ spots you didn’t know acne could exist. What about that pregnancy glow huh?
Nosebleeds happening all the time? Yep. Is your nose always runny? Yep. Better invest in some heavy duty Kleenex while you are pregnant. The worst part? Foods that you loved now smell like poop. Literal, poop. I hated the smell of cooked rice when I was pregnant…I didn’t know cooked rice smelled like anything to begin with! Oh and your husband? He smells all the time…Like poop.
3. Being sick and puking all the time
Most people are sick for a little of their pregnancy. But if you’re like me, you puked every last bit of vile up until you hit the delivery room. I was so sick that I actually had to get an IV 5 times to combat dehydration.
4. Your body freaks out
Numbness, backaches, headaches, killer heartburn – the kind that makes you feel like your newborn’s hair is in the back of your throat, and sore/swollen feet. Make sure to invest in a shower stool.
5. What is going on with my mouth?!
Didn’t snore before? Now you do. I’ve actually woken up myself up from snoring so loudly. Everything I eat taste so freakin weird. Things I used to hate I like and things I used to like I hate. Oh and you drool ALL THE TIME.
6. You turn into a sweaty hairy beast monster
You can thank your crazy hormones for this one. You will sweat ALL THE TIME. Weird hair begins to grow everywhere. Not kidding, like even out of your nipples. Speaking of nipples, they will get huge and dark. How much fun does this all sound so far?!
I once cried over a Toyota commercial. You will want to punch people in the face. You will wonder what happened to your brain as you forget everything…I forgot my brother’s birthdate! You will lose your phone 10 times a day and rewatch an episode of The Voice you though you missed last week…But you didn’t. Caffeine will make you go crazy!
8. Peeing your pants
You will pee every time you stand up, sit down, move, twist, jump, crawl, open a door…you get it. But the truth is I peed my pants more times that I am proud of. Pooping? HA! Those prenatal vitamins will make you so constipated that you won’t poop for a week straight!
9. Never farted in front of your hubby?
Well now you have! Air just decides to make it’s way out of your butt whenever it choses. There is no controlling it. At first you are nervous and embarrassed. Then you decide to say whatever and laugh it off. Why my husband thought I was so attractive during my pregnancy is BEYOND ME.
Will all those weird gross things in mind, once my bundle of joy popped out, it was the most rewarding (and continues to be) experience of my life.